I had a long, honest conversation with a dear friend last night, which led to a restless night of sleep (or lack thereof), which then prompted me to shoot off a 5 a.m. e-mail to my favorite astrologer declaring, “By golly you might be right!” Which then prompted the writing of this post, which will, in some parts, scream crazy talk to those of you who might actually care about this topic enough to read on. So, please, bear with me.
See, I have a mild fascination with astrology. And before we go further, let me disclaim now that it’s more a curiosity than a steadfast belief. I know it has no basis in fact. But I have also considered that cultures across time and geography have been studying the stars. Since some of their hypotheses have preserved this long, let’s just consider the possibility that maybe they were on to something. For shits and giggles?
Regardless if it’s all hogwash or not, it gives me something to chew on when introspection is called for, when I talk to and argue with myself. (No, I am NOT crazy. You want to be a fly on the wall for these conversations, trust me. You could learn something.)
What I do is read my annual and monthly forecasts, make a mental note of the big-ticket items, then go on about my business. Then next month/year when I’m ready for the new forecast, review the previous write-up to check if anything was on point. Note that we are not using the word “prediction” here. Like when a weatherman says there’s an 80% chance of rain tomorrow, you plan your wardrobe based on the chance that it will probably rain. But if those warm clothes are dirty and smelly, you could take a chance on a less appropriate outfit on the 20% chance that it won’t rain.
And when I find myself soaked in my mini-skirt and my toes freezing from wearing flip-flops, I understand it was my choice to against the odds on this one. But what the heck do the weathermen know anyway? That Doppler is a flighty prick.
That said, there is a lot of cosmic shit in the air and whether or not it has a bearing on us mere mortals and the trivialities of our lives, who knows. All I know is that my annual forecast said the first half of this year was going to be shit, with better days in the second half and a better 2013.
I’m just now coming to accept that it’s a letdown year after having a banner 2011. Akin to an athlete’s sophomore slump after having a kickass rookie season. Can I really top a year that saw me run a marathon, win huge on a game show, open my own business, leave the country three times (on holiday), and play the World Series of Poker? The answer, it seems, is a resounding NO. If I had known then what I know now, perhaps I would have paced myself.
This year, according to the charts, I am – correction, we are – dealing with Mars retrograde (blahblahblah shitty forward-progress stuff), Venus retrograde (blahblahblah shitty love stuff), Mercury retrograde (shitty stuff, period). I believe Saturn and Neptune take a turn at retrograde too. Anyway, the gist of it all means it’s not a year for smooth sailing, lots of hurdles.
Right now, we’re coming out of back-to-back eclipses (which mean good/bad news) coinciding with a Venus retrograde that also includes her marching across the face of the sun in a once-in-a-lifetime event called the Transit of Venus (though what this means for astrology is anybody’s guess. It hasn’t happened enough for anyone to make out a pattern.)
Of all these, the thorn in my side is Monday’s full moon lunar eclipse – which supposedly means the end of something – touching on my career sector. Thought maybe this had a bearing on my freelance gig, but on further examination looks like it has more to do with my business.
Which sort of explains the overall feeling of over-it-ness I’ve been feeling toward the biz the past few weeks.
I worked my ass off to change course, to get away from what I felt was sucking my soul and to find my way to something I felt passionate about. In short, I worked very hard to get something I wanted, and now that I have it, I’m over it.
This depresses the living hell out of me because I thought this was the answer!
I’ve been trying to work out the issues and what to do to fix. And while I’m not quite ready to throw in the towel, I may very well get there soon and no one ought to be surprised if/when that day comes.
I never set any expectations for this whole being-a-business-owner business. I only expected it to be hard. Other than that, my attitude was: [***cliché alert***] Let’s give this thing a shot and let the chips fall wherever they may. It’ll all turn out okay in the end.
There’s no guarantee for that last part, by the way. First, my definition of “okay” will differ from your definition of “okay.” And if we want to get metaphysical about it, “the end” is a sliding scale too. Could mean the end of this phase (whatever “this phase” is), or this year, maybe the next decade. Could mean when I finally bite the dust. Could mean when YOU finally bite the dust. Oh, my head is starting to hurt. (You know, it’s been hurting every day for a few days now. I might be doing too much thinking. Or drinking too heavily. Or not enough drinking. Oh, I don’t know. Jury’s out.)
Now, even though this career sector is highlighted, it is suggested to look back eight years ago to this day and recall any themes going on then.
Uh, let’s see. Eight years ago, around this time, I went through the worst breakup of my life. What lesson did I learn from that eclipse period? Not sure I learned anything really because I haven’t looked at love the same way since. And while I’ve repeatedly said I’ve given up, we know I’m full of shit because at my core, I’m an optimist (despite my bitching) and I’m a Pisces, which means I’m a hopeless romantic. (Which means I’m just totally screwed.)
So it’s not a big surprise that this eclipse season has brought bewilderment and disappointment in the love department in addition to turning my career prospects topsy-turvy.
Curiously enough, a career shift got me out of the heartache-induced slump from eight years ago. Is it possible for things to work out the other way around this time? Eh, only time will tell. (This actually speaks to one of the more complicated concepts that astrologers like to call ‘mutual reception’ – it makes my head spin so I won’t go there.)
All of this is my long-winded way of saying, those of you with a passing fancy for astrology and feeling some kind of weird vibrations lately may want to check your forecasts. It’s ugly out there, and I think I’d feel better knowing it isn’t just me getting fucked by the stars.
p.s.
After I wrote this and was getting ready to post, I re-read my forecast. There was a tiny mention of some planetary aspect offering a sliver of hope. Interestingly, received some good news this afternoon. So far, the forecast has been on point.
Ms. Smarty Pants 