It’s been seven months of quarantine. I’m doing well with the social distancing. I’m working on my health. With the exception of a getaway to my bestie’s house in Reno back in June, I haven’t gone anywhere.

But I’ve done a lot of shopping. A LOT of shopping.

Here’s a sample of the things I’ve bought online:

• a new iPhone
• a phone case for said new iPhone
• 9V batteries
• a lock pick set (because I have a habit of locking myself out of my house)
• a drain claw (I have a lot of hair)
• Baby Yoda face mask (I just got it the other day, it came from China)
• two German Shepherd puppy face masks (they came from China, one of them didn’t have a strap)
• a camera mount “necklace” (for all those cooking videos I planned to shoot and upload to YouTube — guess I’ll get around to it next year)
• latex gloves
• wine
• sun hat
• extension cord
• Pilates ring
• toning belt (it’s this belt that vibrates that’s supposed to melt the fat in your stomach and give you a six-pack… doesn’t work, but I love the buzzing sensation)
• clothes
• mic + stand
• more latex gloves
• booty bands
• workout pants/top from Avocado (they’re super cute)
• a bunch of DVDs and blu-rays (I’m too embarrassed to list them all here because honestly some are pretty terrible movies)
• yoga towel
• suede cap
• gym bag (don’t know why, it’s been closed for months)

• workout tops (you must have picked up on a theme here)
• protein powder
• hazmat suit
• more clothes
• Doc Martins
• bandaids (yes, bandaids)

• Black Widow hat
• Captain America hat
• Captain America shirt
• a pink cap that says “Squad” on it
• pumice stone
• rubbing alcohol
• even more latex gloves
• shoe covers

• a special BLM-inspired shirt from Lollapalooza (which was virtual this year)
• Ring light (to look better on Zoom calls)
• digital thermometer
• Emergency hand crank charger (just prepping for the zombie apocalypse, y’know)
• adjustable laptop stand
• plastic face shields
• RBG figurine (get yours here)

• gloves (they were out of latex, so I settled for those cheap, oversize plastic food handler ones)
• mobile hotspot
• socks
• calendar sponges

• a trolley (so I can easily schlep the stuff I buy in person up to my apartment)
• toffee (it’s not just for corporate gifts)
• 5-lb. weights (waaaaay overpriced)

… And I’m not done yet.

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